How do you want to be loved?

"How do you want to be loved?"

I was asked this question in 2018 by a spiritual teacher who is also a jewelry designer. I had stopped by his cart of handcrafted wares at the farmer's market to purchase a silver infinity ring. He asked what drew me to it, and I shared with him that it would serve as a reminder that I am timeless. I put it on my left ring finger, where once a wedding band and engagement ring had cozied.

"It's important to consider how you want to be loved. Not many people really think about it. So I ask you, how do you want to be loved?"

Heartbreak had consumed my being for a period of time and this artist could still sense the sadness within my warrior-goddess exterior. I didn't have to keep a guard around my heart in front of him at the farmer's market that day, and the tears streamed down my sun-kissed cheeks, grateful to be seen in such an honest, raw way.

I had encountered heartbreak because I had opened my heart up and shared it with someone who didn't want to receive it. There was no going back and I refuse to live an existence where I can't express myself naturally and fully. Vulnerability is beautiful and gives birth to our courage.

That became my answer: I want to be loved with an open (unblocked) heart by someone who values the truth and practices speaking the truth in love, despite conflicts that will arise.

My list is longer and more in depth, but since the point of this post is to encourage you to reflect upon what you want to invite into your own life, I'll keep the rest of my list

Now it's your turn!

How do you want to be loved?

Start thinking about it, and allow yourself time to reflect over the next week.

There are the five love languages that can help offer you a starting point to a better understanding of how you want to be loved:

  • Quality time

  • Gifts

  • Words of affirmation

  • Physical touch

  • Acts of service

Take the time to invest in dating yourself, showing yourself love in the ways you understand. Why is this something to get used to? Because when you practice treating yourself to the things you'd want your lover to do for you, then you become accustomed to knowing that you are worthy of love.

  • Quality time - Make time for yourself to do something you enjoy. Go to a nice restaurant and stay present with your 5 senses.

  • Gifts - Give yourself something that reminds you of your value.

  • Words of affirmation - Look in the mirror and repeat "I am" affirmations to yourself. Find some good affirmations on pinterest and print them out, leaving "lovenotes" for yourself around your living space.

  • Physical touch - Book a massage!

  • Acts of service - What can you do for your future self to help yourself out?

In summary, you can create within you what your ideal love could be like.

You just might find that it's the combination of reflection and self-dating that helps you attract the person that you can share yourself with fully and open-heartedly.


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