Need to get over your ex? Talk to the trees.
In late 2016 my ten year marriage ended and I needed to learn how to do life on my terms.
Only a few weeks after it ended, I fell hard for my rebound lover.
He lit me up in all of the ways I could have imagined, and I felt ALIVE.
Until he told me he couldn't be exclusive, and over time I realized I couldn't do polyamory.
The divorce survival book, Crazy Time, states that divorced people might not jump into support groups right away after the loss of their marriage; that they are more likely to join a support group when their rebound ends.
Welp. My rebound ended and I felt alone and needed guidance because I wasn't intimately familiar with my own inner guidance.
(There is still so much I want to learn about my inner guidance system - a technology that I find more fascinating than AI technology.)
My rebound lover was listening to his inner guidance system at the time and it said, "Stop seeing this girl."
I was an adult girl: Confused, single, on a quest of experiencing what life had in store for me once my limiting beliefs were replaced with a knowingness that anything is possible. I was on a mission to seeing myself as worthy. Worthy.
Worthy regardless of who I was dating.
Worthy regardless of pay.
Worthy when I had nothing material to offer anyone.
I could continue sharing about worth and worthiness, but I'll save that for another time .
I was searching for answers at a Kundalini Yoga festival in Joshua Tree, CA, during the same time frame as Coachella in 2018.
I was about to attend 8 yoga classes at this festival and finish out my required yoga classes for my yoga teacher certification.
I met a yogi whose speech I resonated with instantly. He wasn't a typical kundalini instructor. He didn't seem like a super fan of the lineage. No - he felt real, and he knew how to play the gong to simulate the death experience.
At the end of class, we could each sign up for a 30 minute intuitive session with him, for $60.
I signed up, and what follows is his advice.
“I need help getting over an attachment to someone,” I say to The Yogi.
“You’re human. You can have attachments. Why is an attachment troublesome?” He asked.
“He doesn’t feel the same way I do; he doesn’t want a relationship with me. And I’m in love with him.” I say.
“What you’re experiencing is an instability – ungroundedness,” He said, "that's your root..."
“Talk to the trees. Put your hands on the bark. Talk to it just like you’re talking to me. There will be an energetic exchange that takes place. Find a tree in a place that feels safe. Comfortable. Do you have such a place?” He asked.
“Yes,” I say.
“Good. You Go to the tree and talk to it every day. Over time there is a shift. Three years. People think yoga is about showing up to class, working hard with movement and chants and meditation, and then walking away. Yoga is more than that. It’s about stillness. Patience. Life becomes the meditation.
Also, walk on your heels. Everyday. Barefoot.
Dance. Let dancing become part of your sadhana, part of your daily practice.”
He could tell we were done with our 30 minute session even though we were only 15 minutes in, and he ended it there after assigning some chants to do as well.
Chants, a form of sound healing, help change our vibrational state and rewire our pathways. Chants in kundalini yoga also carry intention.
How many people come to him seeking a cure for their broken heart? How many people come seeking relief for a cord they’re trying to cut, as if the pain from the separation will magically poof! And be gone. As if there is a magical cure for releasing a lover from your life and erasing not only the pleasure they brought you, but also the divinity you felt in their presence; the activations that they brought to you.
A magical cure that you might use to leave all hope for a future with them behind.
A potion for peace to alchemize the pain into neutrality, understanding and acceptance.
The magic lies in the commitment that you decide to make with yourself to start talking to trees.
The potion is in the daily relationship that can be developed by a daily practice of telling the trees what you’re feeling and what you’re missing and what you want and why you want it.
It’s like losing weight; there are no quick fixes, and there will always be people around looking to make a buck from your vulnerability and desperation to seek comfort.
“Let the trees teach you how to be still,” The yogi said.
I'm sharing this story and others to communicate what I've been doing over the last seven years.
And also to share with you that today, I am navigating a transition in a long-term love relationship, and I am talking to the trees every day.